{Kindle} æ Special Forces - Mercenaries Part I ⚷ eBook or E-pub free

Review completed October 25, 2012LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE That which does not kill us makes us stronger by Friedrich Nietzsche 4.5 stars.I ve read the original version in August 2011 First read of the Director s Cut in October 2012.It f ing hurts when two men who love each other are drowning in reciprocal pain and don t know how to take their finger out of their asses and act come on do something just talk already just do anything to stop hurting each othe Review completed October 25, 2012LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE That which does not kill us makes us stronger by Friedrich Nietzsche 4.5 stars.I ve read the original version in August 2011 First read of the Director s Cut in October 2012.It f ing hurts when two men who love each other are drowning in reciprocal pain and don t know how to take their finger out of their asses and act come on do something just talk already just do anything to stop hurting each other It s so incredibly frustrating and painful to no end to witness time and again that men are not able or not willing enough to communicate pulls hair screams Ugh Yeah, what could you have expected from two majorly f ed up individuals anyhowIt does not matter what you did, nor when you broke, and neither why The things you wanted the greed that s been and gone Done and buried You re here You ve paid the highest price YourselfDanMercs I is the second book in the Special Forces series which spans twenty five years in the lives of Scottish SAS soldier, Dan, and Soviet Spetsnaz soldier, Vadim Soldiers just blew me away It was so incredibly rewarding as well as emotional to see how Dan and Vadim s relationship evolved and something evil turned into something soulful and beautiful.Well, I d be lying if I d say that I could relate to certain decisions or actions the characters took With that said, this epic is fiction and writing engrossing characters as well as a compelling plot demand particular and somewhat unnerving ideas sometimes to the extreme One thing s for sure, though, Mercs I is an emotional roller coaster Emotions like anguish, pain, sadness, frustration, love and happiness washed over me like an avalanche I never bite my nails but Mercs I is a nail biter par excellence While reading this cycle you re going to want to scream, pull your hair, hit something, hit something again and then there is pure bliss as well Some quotes, the rooftop conversation and the Thailand part will soothe your tarnished soul In fact, I closed this part of the SF epic with a smile on my face Knowing he didn t truly beg, not on his knees, not for his life, not for his pride, but whatever he d say would only truly be I love youthan I can say, than I can even think and what you give me takes my breath away, but breathing is overrated when I can kiss you VadimVadimHoly cow The beginning of this cycle was all about pain painanguish view spoiler torture hide spoiler It hurt to see that this stoic and proud man crumbled into nothingness.I liked to learnabout Vadim In Soldiers he was too detached and withdrawn for my liking Slowly yet steadily he becomesaccessible, he is opening up, even though he still has to struggle with his feelings and he doesn t want to talk about his view spoiler captivity Then again, I resent that he did not get proper therapy yet He really needed that after the physical and mental torture What would happen in real life Would a government send a seriously f ed up man like Vadim in a war zone hide spoiler I think that a disaster would be preprogrammed Whatever It s not up to me to judge though.The little chats with Dr Williams are just that chats no , no less It left me somewhat dissatisfied As a matter of fact, the reader has to wait till Veterans and even then it didn t do anything for me Instead of involving view spoiler Dan as well, Vadim went away, no contact whatsoever I really would have loved to see what the therapy was all about Writing down what happened when he was tortured that s about it hide spoiler It was all about telling and not enough telling, by the way and not enough showing I was and still am not happy about that part of the story I think it was a lost opportunity.Dan Dan Dan became Mad Dog.Let s just say that I have to take up the cudgels for Dan As it is, I m going to support the underdog I am by far not a Bible reader, however, I think everyone knows the sayingLet he who is without sin cast the first stoneYup Dan made mistakes I was not pleased either Yet Dan will always have a special place in my heart because I m willing to look beyond his mistakes and shortcomings He really changed when view spoiler Vadim left without a word, without a goodbye Dan was willing to give him space and time to recover, however, he never got this chance to be there for him Poof He just vanished hide spoiler All things considered, Dan becoming Mad Dog is understandable from my point of view It was his way of coping with a bottomless pain Almost unbearable He didn t know how to go on any and that s the reason he went to the Persian Gulf, fighting in a hellhole to numb his pain and accepting suicide missions I understand that Vadim was is devoid of emotion and mentally broken, totally besides himself But don t you think that those who are view spoiler left behind suffer as much as those who have been tortured hide spoiler I believe the level of pain is the same, although it s different but in the end people like Dan will suffer from the fallout in equal parts.Dan having view spoiler sex with other guys is just what it is Sex Blowing steam off It s not about love and there is no emotional bonding hide spoiler He loves Vadim Vadim is his life, his blood, his soul and vice versa Nothing reached Dan as deeply as Vadim Not even the much loved Jean I m being sarcastic When Dan view spoiler had sex with other men he had to eradicate the image of another man in his head hide spoiler Well, we all know which man Dan wanted to cry out, or scream and yell and destroy with fists and boots Anything, anything at all to break through the onslaught of emotions, but all he had was his lips, two arms, and one hand Tongue, teeth, as well, and the most gut wrenching sensation of feeling, physical, mental, gathering deep in his guts, spreading and searing through his body, traveling across blood Vadim , it hammered through his being, Vadim Alive Vadim And he was lost The kiss taking on intensity within nothing but heartbeats, as he tried to swallow sounds, bite down on taste, and crawl right into the other s body Taking possession Owning Wanting DanThe GoodThe beginning of Mercs I is seriously amazing Action packed Thrilling Fantastic And then there was this incredible mind f ck view spoiler the torture and trial and mock execution and of course the conniving Katya bitch hide spoiler Oh my, the clock was ticking and they were running out of time Manly tears are so intensely beautiful Loved them There s something to say about a heart to heart loved the rooftop scene between Dan Vadim It was vey emotional DanIf I touched you now, would you never leave me again There was so much hope in his voice, it hurt like hell Vadim..He reached for Dan s injured hand, opened the fingers and placed the bullet into the palm I mean this Then thought Dan wouldn t get it Wrestled with the words in English, but he was never sure he said what he wanted to say, anyway This is the bullet you ll use to kill me if I walk away again Because if I walk away again, I ll be in so much pain I m better off dead Further, the very best part was their RR in Thailand and Dubai Simply beautiful Pure bliss No real hot kissing up till the 80 % mark WTF Lol Well, it was worth the wait though Seriously hot kissing went hand in hand with some very intense and passionate m m lovin DEE lish As always I truly enjoyed the Baroness de Vilde Maggie She showed tremendous support and understanding when Dan was in a very dark place in the beginning of the plot And she apologized to Vadim for being too thoughtless when he was thrown into a view spoiler Welcome Home Party hide spoiler A lady of true class I bow to you, my lovely The interactions between Vadim, Dan and Maggie were so well done and adorable Oh, Dan can be a real charmer So sweet.The BadJean Er Jean Hmmm Jean You get the gist Jean I think Jean is an opportunist A devious opportunist view spoiler He tells Vadim to flirt with Dan but at the same time he wants to jump Dan s bones WTF hide spoiler Dan having view spoiler sex with Matt and Jean hide spoiler Honestly, what Vadim did with Matt was serious s it and it was hard to believe He implied that he view spoiler raped him coz he wanted Dan to kill him hide spoiler Vadim s behavior shocked me but then again, Dan s reaction when he freaked out shocked me as well SF has gotten under my skin Irrevocably It s addictive, soul shattering, exhausting and frustrating all at the same time This epic touched me in a very special way, and these two guys are on my mind Forever This was my first read of the Director s Cut and I was wondering if a part of the original version which I read in August 2011 has been cut out and added to Mercs II Because I wrote in my original review view spoiler Dan, I have to tell you that I didn t appreciate you saying thisHe won t touch anyone again, ever I vouch for thatThat s absolutely ok, and I agree But here it comesBut I won t stop what I m doing If I get the chance, I ll have sex I have eleven years of monogamy to make up forWTF And I don t approve that Dan is reduced to needless sex scenes He deserves better Then again, it s the author s decision not mine.On the other hand, Dan said something I really lovedI love you, Russkie, you know that You mean the beginning and the end to me, and all that is in between You are life and death and every single breath, but Dan paused, tried to gather his thoughts while fighting against the tiredness, but that s why I don t get why it s a problem that I share bodily fluids with others Before Vadim could reply to his last words, he added, if it hurts you, and if you don t want me to, I won t do it Okay You reimportant than anyone or anything else If you can t stand it, I won t fu with others I ll be exclusively yours if you absolutely want me to Alright You sure Because if you re not, I ll tell everybody I m not available No matter how little Dan could understand it, he wouldn tjust wouldn t Too dedicated to just one man.Unfortunately Vadim didn t tell him to stop hide spoiler REVIEW TO COME Just a quick thought about the end view spoiler I like angsty endings, happy ones when there arebooks in the series is not fun but I loved this sooooooo freaking much that I cannot give this book less than 5 stars hide spoiler I know this book will destroy me but right now I feel like a drug addict and this book is like the best hash from Morocco br br br br br br br br br br br REVIEW TO COME Just a quick thought about the end view spoiler I like angsty endings, happy ones when there arebooks in the series is not fun but I loved this sooooooo freaking much that I cannot give this book less than 5 stars hide spoiler I know this book will destroy me but right now I feel like a drug addict and this book is like the best hash from Morocco Proceed with caution, this review may or may not contain spoilersOh boy I feel really angry, I wanted pain but I ended up with rage Too bad we can t always get want we want There were some really good parts and some really baaaaaaaaad parts Sorry Moony I couldn t resist.5 stars for my Russkie and up to Thailand After Thailand It all went downhill, I will give that part 1 star.THE GOODVadim s character This guy shines in this book, Vadim is the heart of Mercenaries, his inner thought, his Proceed with caution, this review may or may not contain spoilersOh boy I feel really angry, I wanted pain but I ended up with rage Too bad we can t always get want we want There were some really good parts and some really baaaaaaaaad parts Sorry Moony I couldn t resist.5 stars for my Russkie and up to Thailand After Thailand It all went downhill, I will give that part 1 star.THE GOODVadim s character This guy shines in this book, Vadim is the heart of Mercenaries, his inner thought, his dialogues and just about everything else I love him and always will He is very intelligent, observant, he just not social and doesn t know how to communicate well with others He went to hell and back in this book, first with the torture and then with his relationship with Dan The few intimate scenes that we got between just Dan and Vadim They were really good.The banter between the characters provided some much needed laugh out loud moments There are some words in this book that left heart meltingThe hunters couldn t trap the tiger, try as they might, and the tiger still roams their old hunting grounds, remembering the gift of love and friendship Lions may die, but friendship doesn t I told you, my Russkie, I won t ever be without you again You are unlike all the others, unlike anyone I shag, because when I touch you it s not just a touch, it s eleven years of heaven and hell The Baroness God bless her soul.Thailand Thailand Thailand freaking Thailand.THE BAD AND THE UGLYMercenaries started all wrong, I mean, WTF was that whole bad Katya soap opera thing Was it necessary to turn her into the typical mm villain It was just out of place I didn t even hate her, just cursed the authors for that stupid stunt Dan s character Oh dear lawd The Dan in Special Forces, Aye, is one smart, selfless, thoughtful, loving guy, who kept looking for Vadim every time he suspected something was wrong Dan who went back to Kabul for Vadim, Dan who nursed Vadim back to lifethan once The Dan in mercenaries is a selfish, shade wearing mentioned 160 times, thanks Moony , porn star, who somehow depends on Jean to tell him what to do when it comes to relationship and how to act I was like wait Who is this Dan This shallow dude bro, worried about being old and fading out is not Dan Dan as a character was a mess Vadim deserves better that this stranger Dan Vadim deserves SF Dan Vadim deserves someone who cares about his mental state and not someone who tries to cure him with orgies Dan also deservesthat being turned into mad dog I passionately dislike that nick name I noticed towards the end of the book, it s like the authors realized what they did to Dan s character, and tried to revive the old Dan back The damage was already done I was ok with Dan exploring his new found sexual appetite, I didn t have a problem with him and Jean, but that was all before Thailand I am fine with open relationships, threesomes, foursomes, but only if both parties agree it My problem was when they came back from Thailand and Dan went straight to Jean, offering view spoiler his ass, how do you want me to Jean and hide spoiler then saying he has never done that before That is not correct he said those exact words to Vadim in the previous scene Shit I highlighted that part You just got back together, if you want an open relationship Ask your partner first, don t go making decisions for him too, You are a team now Who are you Dan You can t be this selfish Yes, I know Vadim goes along with it, the problem is, he did it for Dan Dan sets everything in motion without consulting Vadim and Vadim just went with it, because it was the only way not to lose Dan That pissed me off And Jean is a manipulative little shit Yeah and he is straight Laaaaaawd As much as the authors want to try and convince me that Dan and Vadim s love is intact and it is true love, I have a hard time believing that What I read is different, especially the scenes between Dan and Jean after Thailand, those are not JUST sex scenes they are scenes between two people who have feelings for each other and not just as friends Dan is feeling something for Jean, he even admits to liking Jean a lot and Jean is falling in love with Dan and Dan is letting him Vadim and Hooch, damn This hurts because these two got mad chemistry, it was fire from the moment they met, I felt really bad because it was like betraying the Dan and Vadim I knew in SF And that scene, at the end, that was a start of something, and it is funny because Dan felt it too and was a tiny bit jealous We now have Dan and Vadim, and Jean and Hooch as the side guys Can someone please explain to me, how this is True Love Because if it is After Thailand it was no longer an Epic Love story, just sex scenes, twosomes, threesomes, foursomes It was hot porn, if you think you have watched gay porn and think you know, you know nothing my people Aye I was warned, I didn t listen, but I am glad I got to experience it on my own Long story short long I freaking wrote a long review The Dan and Vadim we knew in SF are long gone If you want a well written angst story with a tiny bit of romance, read the 1st part and stop after Thailand Then again, If you are in the mood for porn without plot continue to the end.I may or may not read the rest of the series, for now, I surrender Thank you so much Jan, Moony and Xia for the buddy read and for being the best affordable therapists Absurdly entertaining.It felt like two different books The first an astounding story of endurance and sacrifice and love The second an astounding story of endurance and sacrifice and love plus fucking.It features a fatal helicopter crash, which requires a coded radio conversation to coordinate a rescue, which critically hinges upon a previous episode of fistfucking in an Afghani cave.Which was the single most romantic thing I have read to date.So.Yeah.It s not the novel I thought it was Absurdly entertaining.It felt like two different books The first an astounding story of endurance and sacrifice and love The second an astounding story of endurance and sacrifice and love plus fucking.It features a fatal helicopter crash, which requires a coded radio conversation to coordinate a rescue, which critically hinges upon a previous episode of fistfucking in an Afghani cave.Which was the single most romantic thing I have read to date.So.Yeah.It s not the novel I thought it was.It s the novel that it is, and I want Swear to god that my buddies and I have read the same book Moony, DNF 2 Stars.Shile, 3 Stars.But alas, allow me to present to you a different perspective.Special Forces Mercenaries Part I hit me hard There were quite a few moments where I had to swallow hard Emotional scenes in the story that really put me through the wringer My highlights 1 Vadim in captivity, tortured and his flashbacks.2 The mock execution for both of them.3 The scene where Dan falls apart trashing his room.4 Vadim Swear to god that my buddies and I have read the same book Moony, DNF 2 Stars.Shile, 3 Stars.But alas, allow me to present to you a different perspective.Special Forces Mercenaries Part I hit me hard There were quite a few moments where I had to swallow hard Emotional scenes in the story that really put me through the wringer My highlights 1 Vadim in captivity, tortured and his flashbacks.2 The mock execution for both of them.3 The scene where Dan falls apart trashing his room.4 Vadim being released, completely destroyed.5 Vadim s training Never thought I would love to follow A SAS training progress I devoured that chapter It was incredibly done 6 What Vadim did to Matt to reach a calculated end.7 Dan s fury about that.8 The rooftop conversation.9 All the times Vadim said something but was thinking something else he wasn t brave enough to say It added so much dimension to his character.10 The baroness apologizing to Vadim.11 The sweets moment in Thai.12 Their sexual roleplay, so pure in its essence.13 The sex scene between Jean and Dan after Thailand.14 And finally, how could I not mention the hot moments The porn was first class.A thrilling, engrossing and devastating story.Absolutely loved it Thank you girls for listening to all my crap Once upon a time, a mountain lion and a tiger escaped a circus I m just so high right now with the ending, that I ll overlook all the heartbreak the first half of the book brought me While Soldiers ripped my heart out with the emotional intensity, in Mercenaries I ripped my hair out from the frustration I have to say, I wanted to use a club and bash some of the characters Do not read this if you haven t read Special Forces Soldiers The storyIt picks up right after the ending of SoldOnce upon a time, a mountain lion and a tiger escaped a circus I m just so high right now with the ending, that I ll overlook all the heartbreak the first half of the book brought me While Soldiers ripped my heart out with the emotional intensity, in Mercenaries I ripped my hair out from the frustration I have to say, I wanted to use a club and bash some of the characters Do not read this if you haven t read Special Forces Soldiers The storyIt picks up right after the ending of Soldiers and boy am I glad this wasn t in the first book as the original version Vadim is kidnapped and Dan barely makes it out alive He soon finds out that Vadim is in prison and accused of betraying his country This part was terrible I cried non stop Just seeing Dan and his depression, how he fought for Vadim s life Very sad Then there was Vadim in prison My God Just f ing awful And the tiger lion story Sadness Total sadness I sobbed at that one The next part of the story was kind of weird to read because it is written differently than the rest A very large part of it was divided Vadim in Sweden and his training, and Dan in Iraq Maybe it would be easier if it was frequently switched between them, but for me, those sections were just too big with only one character Anyway, I preferred Vadim s part of the story and his training, how he slowly began to heal Just felt so bad for him Damn Then came the part when Vadim came to Iraq Oh boy Very very bad I felt even worse for him Won t go any into details, this is too much spoiling as it is lolIf I am going crashing down, I ll take Dan with me His life is mine It cannot be separated We are like Siamese twins, sharing heart of a killerVadimDefinitely 1 D He s just such a complex character Sometimes so dark, and sometimes so full of love for Dan it s almost unbelievable In this book, he did a total transformation And it was so difficult to read His spirit was broken His mind, his soul Just terrible He even lost his love for Dan, and that was the anchor he had in life Dan WAS his life So I totally understand what made him back away No one could remain even slightly normal after that kind of view spoiler torture hide spoiler I was so glad he started the training Happy to see him get better even though it was not much, but a progress anyway The nightmares No The flashbacks No, no The way he was treated after he came to Dan F cking NO Thinking of suicide sob NoooHe stared into Dan s face and thought you ll never know I ll drown in my own blood, will never breathe again, but you ll never knowAnd then the scene at the roof top Beautiful Finally some communication between them The ending 3 I just hope he ll be able to get better 3Dan was death and life, water and emotion Battling that emotion, mourning, sadness Love could hurt like a motherfucker, he thought, because that was it, just human, unlikely, impossible, a kind of love that defeated him at every corner, every turn Relief Not giving upDanI just loved him in Soldiers Well, both of them actually Their love is just something special He s reckless, endangering his life just to spend somemoments with Vadim Crazy guy And the beginning here Man I just felt terrible for him Knowing that Vadim is in prison view spoiler Being tortured in who knows what ways Being sentenced to death hide spoiler That was just terrible to read Terrible Cried every minute of it And his tiger lion story Love Don t think I ll ever forget that When he trashed his place after the view spoiler execution hide spoiler Sad When two f cking years passed after they last saw each other Very very sad Vadim s release, and Dan being so happy That was pretty sad to read too Just uber emotional And I understand, after Vadim disappeared, Dan had to bail too I totally get it It was two years of angst on his part, waiting for Vadim, finally getting him, and then losing him all over again So yeah, go to Iraq on some suicide missions BUT When he saw Vadim again No Big no The worst reaction possible His treatment of Vadim through out the time they were there F ck no Just can t figure out how little understanding he has for what happened to Vadim Did he expect the man would be absolutely normal after view spoiler two years in a Russian prison hide spoiler Hmmmmm His screwing around Whatever Wasn t really mad about that part I get it Again BUT After the promise Vadim gave him, the effing bullet He still f cked around with all on legs WTF Still, he made up for it in the end Realised he didn t really understand Vadim, and that he reacted the wrong way and all Finally And Mad Dog Seriously Bad nicknameHe reached for Dan s injured hand, opened the fingers and placed the bullet into the palm I mean this Then thought Dan wouldn t get it Wrestled with the words in English, but he was never sure they said what he wanted to say This is the bullet you ll use to kill me if I walk away again Because if I walk away again, I ll be in so much pain I m better off deadJeanI don t hate him Yes, stone me right now He just got on my nerves a lot, when he showed up, and was all against Vadim with Dan Gah But I kinda got that Dan was his friend, and maybe the reason I don t hate his guts is exactly that, he was never after Dan s heart, so not really a competition for Vadim And I LOVE the fact that he gave Vadim some advice heheheh first to start with the flirting, and then to take him on vacation So yeah, I guess I m one of the few who doesn t want to kill him He s just OK to me Don t love but don t hate either.KatyaIs this the same character from Soldiers Hmmmm I don t know I don t think so Hmmm again Don t really get what was the point in the book, that scene with her and Dan To get some sympathy for Dan Definitely But other than that it didn t make much sense to me Maybe we re supposed to hate her Mission accomplished But still She was kinda nice in the first book Very very understanding Why she would want another child with XY is anyone s guess Just don t get it yes, again.The ending was just PERFECT Thailand Dubai 3 Every scene was beautiful I don t want to readI don t want it to get bad Gaaah But of course, I ll have to Damn Apparently at some point in my life, I had decided to entrust my heart to Aleksandr Voinov The Genius and said, Here, have it To which, he replied, Come, Susan Read Special Forces Mercenaries Part I and let me feed your heart through a meat grinder.Where Soldiers gruelingly and meticulously took us through the birth and development of the love story between Dan and Vadim, Mercenaries threw every possible grenade at that love to see if it could last I felt like I was in battle I care Apparently at some point in my life, I had decided to entrust my heart to Aleksandr Voinov The Genius and said, Here, have it To which, he replied, Come, Susan Read Special Forces Mercenaries Part I and let me feed your heart through a meat grinder.Where Soldiers gruelingly and meticulously took us through the birth and development of the love story between Dan and Vadim, Mercenaries threw every possible grenade at that love to see if it could last I felt like I was in battle I carefully peeked past each new page to make sure I was prepared for what The Genius would throw at me next And no matter how much I braced myself, each new attack caught me off guard and I wanted to scream Retreat Retreat Retreat back to Soldiers and don t press forward From the prologue what a freaking prologue , to broken Vadim, to the Dan whore period , to the gut wrenching shower scene where V D spill their most painful emotions out, to the perfectly crafted helicopter rescue radio conversation, to the most romantic times in Thailand, to the very last word, I was CAPTURED, wrung out This is not a joy ride This is hard and it s painful and it s a work of art Though I m starting to think that The Genius hates me and wants to see me suffer Oh, and it s officially Vadim and Dan now, not the other way around You got some groveling to do, Dan, to win me back Next up Mercenaries Part 2 terrified but trying to get through this so my heart can go back to being whole again You know that saying the calm before the storm Yup on to chapter 30 do I dare UPDATED REVIEW I got confused w the Director s Cuts I thought Merc Pt 1 ended at Chapter 30 but oh HELL no it didn t Additional review points in italics Ch 31 36 were some of the most gut wrenching, heart aching reads I ve ever experienced Dan s behavior after Thailand Dubai destroyed me and literally affected my mood even in real life I felt sad depressed and my heart physically hurt as if I took on what I thought would be Vadim s pain What I kept wondering was Does it have to take this much Do they have to EARN this HEA and finally, WHY are you such an F ing idiot, Dan And I felt like I was reading on thin ice, waiting for it to break The subsequent chapters, which I call the Orgy Days , riddled with m nages, V D Matt, V D Jean, V D Matt Hooch, V D Scottish Dudes let s all blow, fuck, handjob, cuddle, and watch each other It started to piss me off I worried it devalued the love between Vadim Dan However, it was exactly what I needed at the time to pull myself back together I was wrecked for awhile and all of this nonsense brought it back into perspective VD are broken people and their extra curricular activities didn t mean they didn t love each other. DNF at 76%, with extreme prejudice and heartbreak Bear with me, this might be a bumpy ride but I ll get to my point.Imagine you re reading a cookbook, and every recipe, from appetizers to desserts, contains salmon.Or, you re listening to an album, and the chorus of every single song mentions wrists.Now you might be approaching how I felt after reading ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY SIX mentions of Dan s shades in this bookBeneath the shades, Dan s eyes were wide with surprise.Dan grinned, picked up hi DNF at 76%, with extreme prejudice and heartbreak Bear with me, this might be a bumpy ride but I ll get to my point.Imagine you re reading a cookbook, and every recipe, from appetizers to desserts, contains salmon.Or, you re listening to an album, and the chorus of every single song mentions wrists.Now you might be approaching how I felt after reading ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY SIX mentions of Dan s shades in this bookBeneath the shades, Dan s eyes were wide with surprise.Dan grinned, picked up his shades and slipped them on.The shades clattered onto the ground.Dan looked up, readjusting his shades.He slowly pushed the shades up, baring his dark eyes.Dan even forgot his shades when he stormed off.I won t include the other 160 You re welcome.There s a reason I bring this up, and it s not only to highlight the word repetition problem The first volume also had that issue though it was smirks, not shades , and I completely forgave it The reason I complain now is because the shades were about the extent of Dan s characterization in this volume, and that, I can t forgive.In Soldiers, Dan was nuanced He was a strong, street smart, resourceful badass Didn t spend his free time reading the classics but was never portrayed as even remotely unintelligent He could joke, but he ultimately took things seriously He started as a homophobe, slowly came to terms with his sexuality, fell in love, and moved mountains to demonstrate his commitment.In Mercenaries, he was painted as an aging bag of scars whose deepest thoughts were about dessert He had the maturity and presence of a 14 year old Oh, and he wore shades The book didn t start out with him portrayed quite as bad as all this, but it ramped up downand , and by roughly 70%, he had settled into that damn flat cartoon but good.But then it got even worse I am not going to spoiler, but the story took a turn which was ridiculously sideways, completely out of character, and effectively took the story I d fallen in love with and ripped it to shreds right in front of my face.Teal has said to me that they felt like this volume read like bad fanfic of the first I ll go with a little different angle to me it felt like a terrible spinoff Vadim was taken and dropped into a different story, with different writing, and different other characters Vadim was usually still Vadim, and he even evolved and started to gain further depth He is up there among the best characters I ve ever read view spoiler I was rooting for and wanting to bear hug this rapist on the regular, y all I would feel gutted when he fell back to his violent tendencies, my whole body was tense and committed to his growth hide spoiler But he was with a completely different man.Thank you to the peeps I read all or some of these two books with I love you all, and discussing stories with you is one of my favorite things in life Jan Shile Hollis Xia Jude {Kindle} ⛄ Special Forces - Mercenaries Part I ë Special Forces is the story of a Scottish SAS soldier and a Soviet spetsnaz soldier Two enemies who meet in the line of duty during the early days of the Soviet Union s last war in Afghanistan Behind enemy lines respect and finally love grow but that s only the official version This epic spans across over twenty five years of their lives It s harsh and violent, but life is cruel and they just do what they need to survive Special Forces Mercenaries is the second cycle of the Special Forces epic, which consists of three cycles and about a million words The Mercenaries cycle is so large, it is available in two parts, of which this is the first part The first cycle is Soldiers and the third one is VeteransThis print version is the original version of Special Forces, as it was edited by the authors of the time of first publication on Marquesate s website The Mercenaries cycle was published between Mayand NovemberThis is the only version that is authorised by MarquesateThis print version of Special Forces is strictly non profit and print cost only The paperback of this original version is available from Lulu hereThe ebook version is available for free download, and the original chapters remain as a free read on Marquesate s website Now this is really something Make my 3 star rating a mix of a perfectly awesome 5 stars worthy beginning and 5 stars to Vadim, LOVE YOU SO MUCH, my one and ONLY Russkie , to a downright bad 1 star ending.I guess it s my own fault I m a romance reader, as in I love characters who fall for each other and build a life together Dan and Vadim were both awesome characters who managed to keep me interested, especially after Soldiers and the first quarter of this book.HOWEVER, this story is like Now this is really something Make my 3 star rating a mix of a perfectly awesome 5 stars worthy beginning and 5 stars to Vadim, LOVE YOU SO MUCH, my one and ONLY Russkie , to a downright bad 1 star ending.I guess it s my own fault I m a romance reader, as in I love characters who fall for each other and build a life together Dan and Vadim were both awesome characters who managed to keep me interested, especially after Soldiers and the first quarter of this book.HOWEVER, this story is like an anti romance that continues where other happily ever after endings end and shows where a relationship could turn bad and sometimes does in real life There are so many things wrong with this story, it s hard to pick what s the worst thing to begin with Spoilers beware I think it all sums up with Dan.Dan, who acts like a whining princess when Vadim breaks down after years in prison, facing the shards of his shattered mind Poor Dan Of course you re the victim, not Vadim, who was tortured in a KGB prison Dan who let Vadim walk away Not even searching for him Vadim might have ended up frozen to death in Finland, but does Dan care No, he runs to Mommy de Vilde and has his ass transferred to the most dangerous place in the world to forget about Vadim s selfish and cruel behavior I hate you so much, Dan Dan who completely ignores Vadim s wounds, with the excuse being Hey, I m not an intellectual How would I know what s wrong with you Dan who doesn t acknowledge what Vadim went through to return to him.Dan who thinks that his relationship with Vadim is born out of eternal love that was nourished during years of being lovers and enemies, but not realizing that Vadim is actually broken and doesn t have a home, a family, a career, not even a nation he can return to He only has Dan, which after this book seems like the worst kind of punishment Maybe he should have chosen that bullet after all Dan who almost killed Vadim in rage when Vadim lost all hope and tried to force him into a weird suicide by cop situation.Dan, who cheats on Vadim behind his back With numerous guys All of them at least 10 years younger, of course A man needs to have some fun, right Besides, they re friends, so what And what a shit attitude Vadim has, not understanding Dan s urges, until he gives in and indulges in them himself, since he obviously can t have Dan exclusively, encouraged again by Dan, of course Great Dan, you really achieved something here, mindfucking Vadim worse than Konstantinov during those dark years in prison.Dan, who forces the insecure Vadim to start having other lovers and threesomes with him, just because sex is fun.Dan who loves swallowing cum and seems to simply believe everyone who says oh, don t worry, I m clean which is like famous last words for gay men, especially in the early 90s when AIDS wasn t even treatable Dan, who tries to force Vadim to be an out and proud gay man in Britain, even though Vadim has deep routed insecurities and fears, not just as a result from the torture, but from growing up in the Soviet union But does Dan want talk about it with Vadim No, he just runs over Vadim and punishes him with silence.I liked Matt, Jean, Hooch and even those two kids near the end It wasn t their fault Dan is such a whore And I liked how Vadim opened up and started to have feelings for other guys too I m kinda hoping he ll find someone else who isloyal and understanding than Dan, but seeing as this is a series about Dan and Vadim, this doesn t seem likely Dan is not a relationship guy and I m sorry to see an awesome character like Vadim wasted on an idiot like him A threesome is perfectly alright I even don t mind them having sex with others as long as no one suffers and nothing is done behind the other s back But this life style Seeking sex as often as possible with as many different guys as possible For the rest of their lives, until they re too old to be attractive for the younger hunks What kind of life is that What love could survive that Jean and Hooch are already waythan fuck buddies to Dan and Vadim I just don t see the point of all this, except that Dan tries to cure Vadim s insecurities with brute force And he knows that Vadim depends on him and owes him his life So of course he can do anything he likes to his Russkie I hate him for that.And on top of all, Vadim seems to think he owes Dan 250,000 pounds for his freedom As if that was all Dan s money and not the government s.Aargh, this is all so fucked up Still this book, like the first one, is insanely well written and it s addictive like heroin I ll definitely keep on reading the series, hoping that Dan will suffer for what he s doing to his partner.I m channeling a young Vadim here Considering I kinda hate where the storyline is going, this definitely shows the author s skills.Oh, and to gay readers You ll hardly find better quality word porn than this These guys are pure porn actors, you can hardly find sexier scenes than what s going on in that merc camp Or was it a porn set after all However, if you don t like promiscuity and cheating, stay away from this and don t ever go near it..Chances are you still feel the need to read it and make yourself suffer throughthan 800 pages of endless sex in all possible combinations you could ever imagine It is incredibly well written after all The writing gets the full five stars